He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
