You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina is very pro this idea
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
