i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
