you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
