I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Houston, we have a squirter
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
