i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
