i think i scared a bird with my dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
