You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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