Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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