I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Will exercising make me less horny?
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