I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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