Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
