My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
