Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
