it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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