i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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