It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
