I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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