Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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