She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
