She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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