and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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