I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
