community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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