I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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