sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
