Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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