Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
