We're facebook friends in real life
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
