if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
