Do you still have your period?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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