a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
