after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
wow bdsm is so cute
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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