Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I checked into jail on foursquare
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
