The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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