i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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