I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
