Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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