I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
