yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
