oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
