before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
