gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
