have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
