Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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