I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
