i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
