and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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