Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
