What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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