Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
