Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
