Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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