my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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