It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
